ooo I got a COMMENT!

Oooh! I got a comment to an entry! And funny, I'd already heard about it from Kok, who'd found it on Ono's own journal... this is something I wrote in my offline journal about it....... and since he asked me in that comment about it, I might as well just post what I wrote to help clear it up!

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I posted about how I should have listened to my early tarot readings. He mentioned that I had told him how I'd had good readings about us. What he doesn't know is that my very early tarot readings indicated negative things about him. I'd have to go back and look at my files to remember exactly what, but they weren't the best. I had a feeling they meant he and I could possibly have conflict - but I ignored it because I really wanted to get to know him.

Later readings started to reveal that we were lovers in a past life, and I felt that we were destined to be together in this life. Obviously, from the fact that we're no longer together, he didn't share these feelings and I realized that even though we were lovers in the past, doesn't mean we were meant to be together that way in this life. He mentioned something about "I thought she thought we were soulmates". Well, I do think that. But I also told him that I believe soul mates are people we are destined to meet in our lives, including friends, relatives, strangers and even enemies. Not in the context of "true lovers meant to be together", which is the way I think he was meaning it.

From what I heard, he expressed confusion, wondering if I had lied to him about readings in the past, when I'd told him that I wouldn't. I've never lied to him about a reading. I just didn't tell him about every reading I'd done. Readings are personal things, and I don't often publish them at all, let alone telling others about the results. So yeah, I told him about the good ones. If you were dating someone, would YOU really like to hear that they got a few not-as-nice cards about you? Naw.. that'd just worry you or upset you unnecessarily. So I expressed on the journal that I should have listened to the early readings. In hindsight, that was a yes and no type of comment. On one hand, if I had of I would have avoided the confusion of being dumped so quickly. But of course, if I had of listened I also would have missed out on the good parts of the summer fling. I had a lot of fun with Ono, it was a really fun summer. So yeah, I don't really know if I should have listened to the cards or not.

Avoid heartache and miss out on experience & fun? Or risk heartache and have some fun and new memories? It's a toughie. What would you choose? Truth is, no one knows until they get faced with the question.

And right now, I'm kind of faced with the question. If "Arachne" writes back and wants to get to know me, I'm not going to ignore her because of a few not-so-nice cards. Although I respect the tarot and take it's advice seriously, I also refuse to live my life around some cards. So yes, if "Arachne" writes back, I will write her and maybe her and I will become friends. Maybe weeks, months, or even years down the road she'll turn out to be a bad friend and our friendship will end, but at least I could stand there and say "I saw it coming, but I had a great time getting here, learned a lot about myself and the world, and will grow from it."

Same thing with what happened with Ono. Sure, if I had of listened to the cards I could have avoided the confusion that followed, but I would have missed out on other stuff and I think I've grown and learned from the experience and as I have said before, I wouldn't trade it for anything. But when faced with a new situation it's always hard to say "yeah, I'll ignore warnings and risk the pain"... Saying I "should have" listened to the cards is kind of harsh, but we all go through that.. wishing we could just avoid pain. Can't though. Pain is good.

Hope that clears up any confusion.. O.o